The bigwigs at at the Surfer's Handshake International Treaty Symposium (SHITS) have come to a majority decision on the handshake that surfers must use to greet each other for the 2013 season.
Calls for simplicity were made by all countries involved leading into this year's conference as the past few years combination of hand clasps, fist bumps, shoulder nudging and overly long and complex hand slaps have grown wearisome.
So it's with much pleasure we can announce the official inter-surfer hand greeting for this year is the humble, proper, old-school British hand shake.
No slapping, no forearm grips, no cuddles, no kissing, just a simple, solid handshake. They're bringing it back to the source so to speak.
To perform the PBH (Proper British Handshake) simply:
- Ensure your hand is not sweaty or damp; especially if you have just exited a bathroom.
- Extend your hand horizontally at elbow height, ensuring the forearm and hand is kept on an even vertical keel. Avoid tilting the thumb over inwards to go palm down as this implies an unwanted degree of superiority.
- Grip your fellows palm, not fingers, no lily-wristed feeble soft grips, that gives the wrong impression and no 'look I am Thor' hand crushers either, just a good solid grip.
- Give it one firm pump.
- One shake is all you need, you ain't at the urinals now chaps!
- Handshakes are brief, should preferably be accompanied with direct eye contact and not to be complicated by other forms of touching.
- And that's your lot.
- If you want to add a little flourish then a discreet nod is always a welcome sign of respect for a peer and fellow waterman.
- If you are greeting a lady then the etiquette becomes terrifying. Wait for the ladies cue. If they proffer a hand you are in for a shaking. If they don't then lean in for the kiss, on the cheek cheeky! Go left, always seems to avoid that unwelcome headbutt scenario.